I think I may be jumping the gun a little bit but, God, I miss him. He hasn't even been gone for that long and already I feel this aching need for him to come back, to kiss away my tears and tell me that he's okay, it was just a scare. He's fine and he's living and he's in London running the country like he always did. But that's not the case. His body is here, in the TARDIS, lying cold and lifeless in the med-bay, his brother Sherlock by his side. He's not any more alive than Sharon is and that's the part that kills me.
Who is this man? Well, his name was Mycroft Holmes. He was...so beautiful. So amazing and wonderful. He had done a lot of things, a lot of bad things, in his life but he was gorgeous. He had a gorgeous soul, despite the darkness that surrounded him. He was so nice and so...perfect, well, as perfect as perfect is. He wasn't without his darkness, but who is without darkness? Not I, not him, not the Doctor and not Rory. Despite all of that, he was...a *great* man and a really good friend.
I loved him once. I love him still. That week we were together was a fantastic week. It was full of love and compassion, teaching and learning. He taught me that hapiness isn't always in front of my nose and he learned that the world wasn't always so dark and gritty. The world had light and beauty. He didn't fully understand that until he came back five months ago, but I know that deep down he felt some of it after I left him. I know he did. He had to have.
Sadly, five months ago I didn't think he did. I thought I had caused him more pain than I was worth. I thought I had completely undone all that. He started drinking, he was cut off he was horribly broken. As the Doctor and I started taking care of him, he had a brain tumour, I saw the bitterness and the ugliness melt away and I saw a glimpse of the man I loved once again. Such a kind hearted soul. Such an amazing man. I won't say it wasn't hard watching him wither away and die but it was...in a way rewarding. I was able to spend five months, five gloriously painful months, with him, with the man who made me a better person when a temporal shift and a renegade time bitch broke me into pieces. I have so much to thank him for. So, so much and I'm really sad that he's gone. I wish I could've told him what he did for me but I think in the end he knew.
When I sang for a younger him at King's college eleven years ago, I know that he knew I had always been there. I also knew that he had always been there too. In some weird way, we understood that though our time was fleeting we made each other...amazing in so many different ways.
I miss that man, that man called Mycroft Holmes. He asked me not to mourn for him. He asked me to live a life that he wasn't able to. He asked me to raise my son and love the Doctor. I will do that for him. I will work to stay clean. I will love my husband with every fibre of my being and I will love Erien, both until the day I die. They are my life and no matter how dark and horrible it gets, no matter how many nightmares I have, how many times I wake up screaming into the Doctor's arms, I will love them and I will live for them.
Mycroft Holmes gave me a peice of beauty I can never loose and that piece of beauty will stay with me forever. That piece of beauty was the Doctor and that piece of beauty was his love. I will never forget him.
Amelia
No comments:
Post a Comment